<- Thursday, Jan. 23, 2003 * 4:45 p.m. ->
So here I am again, wondering what is up with you. It is not so heart wrenching as it was, but it is felt. I still miss it being the way it use to be. I am quite sure I always will. I do understand that it will never be that way again. But how am I ever supposed to know how to be around you. I try to act like all is cool. That seems to upset you. Do you want me to be heart broken and in pain? Do you want to see me like that? What would you do if I just started crying? What would you say if I broke down and let you see all the hundreds of different emotions you have caused me? Do you think you could handle it?
I question my relationship with everyone. I am that kind of person. I have no reason to believe that I am important to anyone. Does this bother you? You knew that about me from the beginning. I wish I could change that about me, I really do, but I can guarantee that I will be surprised when people actually like me till the day I die. I mean my God it surprises me when my family cares! And then I feel so much, for everyone. How can I care about people so much and think that other people never feel the same. Why does it shock me so much when they do.
I worry about your opinion of me. I know I shouldn't. I know that I have no control over it. Because I have no idea what it is. That is what is driving me crazy. I hate, and do mean hate, wondering how you feel, what you think, what you want. I just want to know. It is so unfair and hurtful of you to let me hang like this. You say you want to forget. Then forget but stop treating me like you haven't let it go. You might say you aren't treating me different, well you are. I saw you at least once a week before this. I am lucky if I see you at Wal-Mart once a month now. You don't call and you don't write. At least not unless I do it first. You said you don't hate me. I am sorry I said you do. But it is apparent that you no longer like me. Why won't youjust tell me that?
<- prev * next -> * random
2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad