I hate being married! I hate being alive! I hate guilt! I hate making mistakes! I hate myself for having kids in the shit hole of a world! Why did I do that. I knew I would be a terrible parent and that I wasn�t cut out for it. So why do I ignore my instincts? I know better. I am what I am��. what the hell is that? I try to consider everyone else�.so when do you stop doing that and start considering yourself? I don�t like my husband right now! I really wish I wasn�t married to him. I wish I could go back in time and not meet him. I know that means I wouldn�t have my kids, but I think I shouldn�t have brought them into the world in the first place it is too horrible. I can�t think everything is spinning. Why is everything so damn hard., when it shouldn�t be! I have a friend that should be no big deal, why dies he have to make it such a problem. Maybe he�s right maybe we shouldn�t be together. I think it would hurt like hell, but I think it would be better in the end. Because I can�t keep worrying about how long it will be till the next time he treats me like shit. I am not giving up, even though I so want to. I so want to.

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad