I have been debating writing this. I know she reads this. So now when I write I consider her feelings. But this is what I am feeling. So I guess I need to let it out.

I love her as a friend. I don�t have any problem with that. As a matter of fact that brings me great happiness, because I know she feels the same way.

I want her. I hate that. I am going crazy thinking about the things I want to do with her, to her. I know I can�t have her. Why can�t I get it through my head to just stop thinking of her that way. It causes me so much confusion.

I want the friendship more. I know this. The thought of losing that hurts more than words can express. Most of the time I can put that first. But��..

When she was laying on the floor the other night, oh God. I was just wishing we were alone. That there would be no consequences. And that she wanted exactly what I wanted���

To look in her eyes and run my fingers through her hair. Holding my face just a breath away from hers. Slowly touching my lips to hers, hearing a her slow intake of breath. Parting her lips with my tongue. Taking my time drawing out every emotion in just that one kiss. Moving the kiss from her mouth to her cheek then over to her ear. Memorizing ever inch along the way. Listening to ever breath, feeling ever movement she makes. Slowly and with great care lifting her shirt. Kissing every inch of her stomach. Caressing and memorizing each soft spot. Trailing kisses from her stomach to her breasts. Taking all night just to please her. Finding all the right places in hopes to bring her to the ultimate pleasure. Just to have her close. To hold her and feel her soft skin next to mine. To wake up next to her.

I think maybe I need to do more than just let this out. I need to find someway to erase it from my mind. I want to know how I never knew that I was this way before I married my husband.

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad