I knew before it happened that it was coming.

She came over to hang out because it was her day off and to pick up a phone I gave her.

So when she left the first thing out of his mouth �..

�your not over that thrash yet huh?�

I said � Shut up�

He said �Why did you tell me to shut up?�

�Because your calling her names again.�

�Well are you over her or not?�

�Why are you asking me this?�

� Because it is written all over you that your still in love with her.�

�No it is not�

�She feeds off it. She knows how you feel and you don�t try to hide it.�

�I don�t think it is written all over me and I am not the one that says I am in love with her, that is you.�

� If we break up you know it is your fault for bringing her in my house.�

�She�s my friend why shouldn�t I bring her in the house.�

�It makes me sick just seeing her here.�

�I am sorry that you feel that way, but she is my friend I am not going to tell her she is not allowed in my house.�

�You need to decide who you want her or me�

�I chose you already , why are bringing this shit up again?�

�Because I can see how you feel about her, why do you torture yourself knowing how you feel.�

�I don�t torture myself, I am happy around her. I enjoy her company, so I like having her around.�

�I need to know if you chose me 110%�

�I do and I am not doing this again you know I love you isn�t that enough?�

So he let it go for now. I am sure he will bring it up again the next time he lets it build up too much. I respect how he feels. I hate that it hurts him to see me with her. But I just can�t let her go. I may be in love with her, I chose not to explore that. Why should I it just causes problems. I think, well I know what he sees. I am still attracted to her. I am working on that. I just feel so great when she is around . I find her to be extremely sexy. I try to ignore it. And no I don�t know if she feels any attraction towards me. He told me to ask her. I don�t see the point. If she says yes then wouldn�t that tempt me more. Wouldn�t I just stop holding back if I knew that I could have what I want. I mean I think that she does feel a little that way or we wouldn�t have had sex once. But we have the excuse of being drunk so I don�t know if she feels attraction for me or if she was just horny. So we know how I feel. I am too scared to find out how she feels. But I am not going to let this cause me pain anymore. I want her in my life and if my husband can�t except that than he is the one that would be at fault for a break up.

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad