I want to scream, I so want to fucking scream. I am sick of everyone and everything. I am so tired of feeling worthless and inadiquite. I feel like I will never get anything in life right. I am so tired of feeling like I am the only person on earth that considers everyone elses feelings, along with and usually before my own. I know I said I respect her feelings but when the fuck is she going to repect mine! God I am so sick of this shit. I am tired of thinking about her! I am tired of worrying that I may have hurt her is some way! Why the fuck should I care. I mean really why. I have spent over 2 months wondering what the fuck to do about this shit and it is beyond getting old it is crusty. Sometimes I think maybe she did tell me the truth when she said she cares about me and then two seconds later I know in my heart that isn't possible. How can someone who cares about you just leave you hanging? I swear if I have ever or if I ever treat someone with so little compassion I want to be shot right there on the spot. Which I guess someone needs to shoot me now because I guess I did that when I had sex with her. I guess I didn't really care at the time how this might affect her. I guess I put what I wanted before how she might feel. But I have never lied to her. I can't say with 100% proof that she has lied to me but it sure feels like it. I don't know what is going on. I don't know how I feel. I just am so tired of not knowing. I mean I want to treat her like I want to be treated but I am so tired of hurting. So now I want to run away. Can I please, please tell me I can run away. I want to live on a island with nothing but me and a library and some nuts and berrys. Yeah I think that would be just perfect!

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad