Okay so this is a email I got back from her after I asked if we could get together to talk and I siad we needed to get everything out. And that I was sorry about Sat night and me being drunk.

"i know we have to be honest with each other and all that stuff but i don't feel like talking about it right now. honestly it's just easier for me to push it aside. i know that's probably not right or what you want to do but that's how i feel. i know that you called but i was asleep. i didn't sleep well last night.yeah you were kinda obnoxious on the phone but that's why i don't like to talk to you when you are drinking. well i just completely lost what i was going to say to you so i'll ttyl".

And this is what I wrote back after I calmed down from the pain in my chest.

I just wanted to say that it hurts a little that you don't want to talk about it but if that is how you feel I can respect that. I hope that maybe one day you can trust me enough to but I guess I will have to just wait and see.So anyway I guess I will actually have to attempt the start over fresh thing huh. I still would like to hang out sometime soon, I would like to give you your Christmas present. ttyl Kim

I don't know if that is what anyone else would do, but I feel I have to treat her the way I wish she would treat me. I am going to respect that she feels the way she does. I am 27 and she is only 19 so I also have to realize she has alot of growing up to do and I have no right to pressure her into something she doesn't think she can handle. So anyway I will see if I can handle not knowing and if it gets to be too painful for me I will just tell her to let me know when she can talk and leave her alone till then, I guess only time will tell how it will go.

I spent most of the day wondering why I try. Why I care. I think maybe if I am strong it will be worth it in the end.

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad