Okay so here I am sitting a work thinking about life. I am thinking what do I really want from it. Well if this was fantasy world and I could have everything I want with no complications then I know exactly what that is.

I want to of course be loaded so I never have to worry about money again. But then I would like to move her into my house and be able to love her and my husband. But at the same time my kids never figure out the situation. Because that would be bad and we are dreaming as if the world is my perfect world. Because if I am totaly honest with myself then I will admit that I want the best of both worlds. I want to stay married but I want to be able to be with her and love her too. I know how completely selfish that is. I know how completely wrong that is, that is why I feel guilty all the time. And of course most of the time I try to convince myself that isn't how I feel. I try to tell myself that I love my husband with complete passion and longing and he is the only one I feel those things for. And that all I feel for her is a friendly completely platonic kind of love and caring. God wouldn't that be nice. But we all know the truth now.

So I guess I will just remember that I can't live the fantasy.

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad