Well the numbness didn't last very long.

I have started thinking about her again. I thought it was getting better. I thought I was starting to relize that she is not worth the time that I let herhave on my thoughts. But I don't guess I have quite figured that out yet. Right now I am feeling like I am the one that is worthless, like there is no way I could ever be important to anyone. I don't understand why I don't believe in myself. I so want to. Isn't that supposed to be enough, just wanting it.

I was told by a friend of mine the best way to get over loving someone who doesn't love you is to find someone new. Well the bad thing about that is I need to learn to fall back in love with the one I am with. I feel so sorry for my husband. He loves me. I am important to him. Why isn't that enough or even more than enough. Why do I feel like there is something missing? I want to love him the way he loves me, I really really do! But is just not there. I really don't deserve him. And I am a little scared that one day he will figure that out. But then on the other hand I think maybe we would both be happier if he did. Life is so fucked up!

So why do you always want not only what you can't have but the people that don't want a damn thing to do with you. I just want to know what she has been up to. If I have even crossed her mind, I'm sure I haven't.

I just want to move on, this feels so redundent and like such a waste of time to feel this way. Oh God please make it stop soon!

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad