So for the last two days I feel like I have a hole in my heart. So I thought time made it better. I just keep feeling worse. I keep telling myself if she doesn't care then niether should I. It is not working. I am tired of hurting and I don't know how to stop it. I do want to not care about anyone it makes life so much easier. I do know that I refuse to let anyone else in my heart ever! It is so not worth it. I have never had a so called friend that hasn't let me down. The sad thing is that my expectations are so damn low.

I hate friendships because I think I am the one that has no idea what I am doing. I mean do you let them know that you care or do you just act like they are not important when that is so far from the truth. Why do you have to play games. Why can't you just do and say the things you feel. I think I feel to much to fast and that sucks. I guess it is just best that I care only about my family, it is a little harder for them to run away from you.

I so want to stop missing her. I just want to know what she thinks about me. Shit I just wish I knew if she even thinks about me period. I think if she does it can't be anything good. Oh God I hate this shit. I want to be able to control my feelings so I can make these go the fuck away!

2004-06-10 - Bye Bye
2004-06-02 - FAT FUCKING BITCH ( THAT'S ME)
2004-06-01 - ME (YUCK)
2004-05-12 - New house!
2004-04-15 - Good and Bad